Showing posts with label compassion. Show all posts
Showing posts with label compassion. Show all posts

Thursday, February 14, 2019

Five Strong Women by Richard Harries (JR133RH01)






Five Strong Women by Richard Harries (JR133RH01)
My poem that celebrated International Women's Day,
FIVE STRONG WOMEN: A true story of how I was helped in a devastating time of need.


Text: Five Strong Women
This poem is about five strong women who were in my life when I needed them:
 

I was left without a mother
When that happened I found strength, hope, love, live from five amazing women
They each stood up to be counted and helped and carried me on my way    ,
They chose to do this
My life became deeper, richer, vibrant, bearable : because of these  women, who chose to love me and  to help me and to  support me and  to advice
All in so many different ways
They travelled to see me, wrote, talked to me, baked cakes, and several homes, gave me shelter, and planned with me and loved me
I will not tell each of their stories, they are all gone
brief for un-mourned but I loved them
Three, four and more
But I loved them and amazingly they loved me
But with that my gratitude and love eternal will be;
 Bless them
You can of course hear and watch Richard recite this at:
 




Friday, December 14, 2018

The Hidden Favour ZEENAT IQBAL HAKIMJEE (JR98MH07)






The Hidden Favour ZEENAT IQBAL HAKIMJEE (JR98MH07)
Khatija was a robust, healthy, 19 year old girl. She had just finished her studies and had found a good job. Because of her good health she managed to work long hours, both in the office and at home. The envy of her peers who could not even do half the amount of work, she did. The secret behind this was that a lot of effort had gone behind raising her. Her mother had spent so many sleepless nights at her bedside, sometimes reading bedtime stories. Her father too had contributed a lot, towards his daughter’s up bringing. They both doted on her. Her life passed just like the brook meandering on its way.  Seldom was she unhappy like the ripples on the surface of the brook. But what does it take for the unexpected to be. But as luck has it, all good times are met with an unhappy event. One-day disaster struck. Khatija fell ill, not knowing what fate had in store for her. After a prolonged spell of illness and numerous tests, it was detected that she had to have a kidney transplant. Her parents tried to find a compatible donor but that is something which is not very easy as it is understood that a member of the family stands more chance of being compatible, then an outsider. Many family members volunteered, as it is common knowledge that living with one kidney is possible.

            “She stands a one in ten chance”, said the doctors. “She is young and has the ability to recover very fast, after her transplant”. But to everyone’s dismay his or her kidneys were not compatible. Kidney transplants were not child’s play, and yet people with one kidney or recipients led very healthy lives. Medical technology was so advanced that events such as the above that seemed impossible years ago were conducted nowadays and successfully at that, too. Medical research had opened up so many vistas and miracles were performed on the operation table. Khatija was aware of all this and it was this hope that kept Khatija going. The hope that, somewhere, someone would be a right donor. Although they seemed few and far between the search was on.

            Who would have dreamt that the donor would be overseas? There, lived a young man who decided to take a trip to his home country. He saw this appeal in the newspaper, for a kidney donor. Maybe it was his instinct, or a simple act out of human sympathy that he thought he should respond. Maybe it was telepathy, as indeed he believed such things did exist. Yes it was telepathy with Khatija. He longed to return to his home country and there could not have been a better opportunity.

            “I have not been home in ages, have even forgotten what it looks like”, he told a friend. “Better late than never”. He had also heard that a racket of selling kidneys existed in his home country and he wanted to do something about it.

            The hospital that had made the appeal had a good reputation and as he sat in the waiting room of the hospital, waiting for the doctor to see him, his thoughts travelled to the past. He recognized the hospital where his father spent his last days. Tears blurred his vision for a while, but they dried up quickly as he was consoled by the thought that his father had led a good life and had died peacefully at a ripe old age. But then, a father is a father, and nobody can be compared to him. The young man recalled his childhood days, when he had been taken ill. His father sat in a chair, beside him, until the danger subsided.

            “Do not let me down, young one. I can’t take any bad news, especially where you are concerned”.

            “Cheer up, Dad. I’ve almost recovered. I’ve had a hearty meal and a stroll down the road”.

            Many such incidents, showed the love his father had for him. He felt satisfied. Nobody could love his own son more. Abid (the young man) was an adopted child. He owed all he had to his father. His position in life, the respect he commanded and a never-ending list of favours.

            The Doctor nudged him to gain his attention. He had been so lost in his thoughts. He took him to a room and interviewed him, before conducting tests. Then Khatija’s particulars were given to him. His mouth opened wide in amazement. Khatija was the daughter of Mr.  & Mrs. Moiz Khan it seemed like his dream had been realized. His cherished dream of maintaining relations with his sister and now there was an opportunity to do so. Mrs. Moiz Khan was his sister; she had left a doting father, whose life became empty, until he adopted Abid. He had opposed his daughter’s choice of husband; he had banned her from returning to his home. You’ll regret, he told himself but he was not going to compromise on matters of principle.

            His sister’s daughter needed his kidney. The only kidney that was compatible. There was no going back, he assured himself. Even his father would have softened, had he seen his granddaughter’s difficulty. Difficult times had made friends out of enemies, and this was his niece. It seemed like all those long years when they were cut off, now seemed to have shrunk, because a chance for their reunion existed. But how could he hide his identity. He requested the Doctor to tell Khatija’s parents that the kidney donor was a dead man.

            The operation was successful. Mr. and Mrs. Moiz Khan’s jubilation knew no bounds. Their only child had a second life. The doctor fabricated the truth, as Abid wanted it to be. He was too scared to confess his identity. Scared, because he felt it might ruin everything and the matter was delicate – a matter of life and death, the kidney donation. “I feel a confession just might make matters worse. Let her recover fully. Then wait for an opportune, moment, “he told the doctors.
            Abid was at home recovering after his donation. He was a health conscious man. He ate well and exercised and hence recovered soon. He was grateful to God for the opportunity to return the favour his father had given him.

            At the airport he waited in a queue for his turn to get his passport stamped. The passport, before him belonged to Khatija Moiz Khan. Again it was instinct that saw them together, this time hers and nobody knew where it would lead. It was telepathy indeed. There was a bond between    them.  A   bond   that   needed   to   be   restored   and   further strengthened. And this time he would take the initiative.  He smiled at her and she smiled back. It seemed like his father blessed them. Heaven had this affect on the hardest of them. He awaited the outcome, eagerly.

Monday, December 3, 2018

RESCUE ON THE SEA by Zeenat Iqbal Hakimjee( JR87MH01)




 RESCUE ON THE SEA by Zeenat Iqbal Hakimjee( JR87MH01)

ZEENAT IQBAL HAKIMJEE

RESCUE ON THE SEA
                                                                                                                   
Very little has been written about the ancient coastal people of Lyari – the irrepressible Makranis – who take their name from the Makran coast of Sindh and, Balochistan, which also indicates a common history of the two provinces; the Makran coast constitutes the South-East of Iran and the South-West of Pakistan; a 1,000 km stretch along the Gulf of Oman from RA’s (cape) Al-Kuh, Iran (West of Jask), to the Lasbela District of Pakistan (near Karachi). The Makran coast is on the Arabian Sea, to the North-West of Quetta in Balochistan.

The following is a story of one such coastal village:
Children on   bare - back camels, watch   the   sea, its   vastness spanning even beyond the grasp of their eyes. Fishermen on the beach watch the sky, like the city dwellers read their newspapers first thing in the morning. Through the knots of their nets hanging on the line, they seem to predict the weather. This exercise determines whether they should take a boat out or not on the deep sea, for their daily expedition to catch fish. The air is filled with the smell of rancid water that is due to the deposits of oil, resulting in decayed and dead sea-life. Music, which is a part of their lives, plays in the background. The sounds are a fusion of musical cultures from the Middle East, Indo-Pakistan and Africa.

            The shells on the beach look like the abandoned toenails of the old fishermen, and they are more beautiful there, than on the foot. The broken wings, the sand-logged crabs, a woman’s lonely shoe, a rusty toy damaged beyond recognition, the plank or sail from a doomed boat, all lay sprawled on the beach, each with a story behind it, cleansed and sterilized by the salt and iodine in the great hospital of the sea. In the night, the light from the tower was but a spot against the background of the sky and spectacular cliffs.

            The weather beaten villager’s munched dates from the interior while watching holidaymakers trying to teach their children to swim, like fish to water, amidst the shouts and screams of the children who are already submerged in the waters. The steps of the ladies faltered as they approached the sea, clad in shalwar kameezes filled with the wind, the Shalwar Kameez itself a deterrent for swimming.
            The story told here is that of a villager who because of his sharp sense of hearing helped in the rescue of a drowning man. The villager was alone and as he had no family to fend for, hence he had no responsibilities to drain his energy. Somehow he had also preserved his youth, which he owed to mother nature. Religion that usually comes into the house with the presence of a woman was lacking in his and he was quite oblivious of it.

            One evening when it was well after ten and the moon was full with black clouds scudding in ordered masses across the sky, he was still sitting on his wall, all alone. A cool wind suddenly sighed from an unexpected quarter and in its wake was a noise like that from a distant cavalry charge. His razor sharp ears picked up the sound. His brow creased up as his eyes searched the distance. He hobbled to his neighbours house and banged on the door of his traditional mud-hut – the two men, though natural life-guards, knew thoroughly all that was written in the books about rescue on the seas. The coastal blacks were descendants of imported slaves – the fishermen being known as the Meds and the seamen as the Koras – when there was no response; he banged on the door again. A groggy fellow soon appeared. He pointed towards the horizon and mumbled something in the Makranic dialect. The man’s eyes tried to see beyond the direction of the location being pointed at. A boat in trouble, he thought aloud. Without wasting any time they woke the other men.

            A rule of the sea states, that half the purchase price of the vessel of the sea is given to the rescue party. This prize money was quite a temptation, but since it was always dangerous the case required to be argued, all hands knew that the proposed journey was perilous.
            The village women all having gathered on the beach, saw their men disappear, reappear, disappear, reappear and finally disappear into the darkness. They were now a tiny speck in the vast vista of the sea – the ocean that is open to all and merciful to none, that which threatens even when it seems to yield, pitiless always to weakness.

            Many of the Makrani women now worked as domestic servants in Karachi; they were also experts in the art of massaging any mother and child    after    birth.   Their   traditional   long   dresses with   hand-woven
Embroidery gave them a distinct ‘folk’ touch, separating them from the typical Karachiites. The skirt-like look, with its wide circumference, and the loose shalwar could be compared to the costumes of the pathan and Kabuli women.

            The men in the rescue boat changed sides, so as not to tip the balance of the boat as the surf sprayed them from head to toe. The taste of salt lingered in their mouths during the voyage. They were not bothered by their appearance. On the contrary, they felt no different from when they started out dry.

            Suddenly, a dark object was thrown at them on the crest of a wave. It was a man. They held on to the poor fellow and eventually succeeded in dragging him aboard. Nobody felt sorry that this time, there was no prize. They rowed back to their village.

            Couples fought with each other to offer hospitality to this half dead man; and they almost came to blows in their struggle for this visa to heaven.
            They fetched a doctor from a nearby village, while the women sat all around him wearing their beads. The doctor was a Karachiite who had been sent to the village to serve them. The doctor prompted the man to speak. The man said, “Mahganj” very faintly. Repeated attempts, received the same response. The diagnosis stated that he was a victim of a traumatic shock and was suffering from amnesia, which meant a loss of memory, if only temporarily.    

            The Priest, who was also a member of the village council, was also summoned, as was the case in other similar incidents. “What’s going on here?” he asked one of the ladies. “A miracle” said all the ladies together. The Makrani women are predominantly Muslim.

            The Priest was briefed about the rescue and what followed. Being
 an elderly fellow, he recalled that a girl by the name of ‘Mahganj’ had been registered in the mosque some eighteen years ago.

            Now, it was easy to put two and two together. The man they found was associated with Mahganj and was discovered as belonging to the same village as her’s.  He was also supposed to marry her.

            Mahganj was the granddaughter of the village tailor. Thus it was decided that the man be taken back to the same village that he originated from. Similar surroundings would help to revive his memory, it was hoped.

            A therapist was hired from the city and surely, slowly though, his memory came back in bits and pieces. Mahganj’s presence always evoked a response in the man, so strong was the bond of love. His memory did eventually return, which in turn led to their marriage. They led a happy married life.
 






Sunday, March 28, 2010

Human societal evolution (JR02)





























Human family evolution (JR02)
Introduction
 The family has a universal and basic role in all societies. Family is defined (for the purposes of this essay) as a socially recognized group (usually joined by blood, marriage, or adoption) that forms an emotional connection and serves as an economic unit of society.   The functionalist perspective views families as groups that perform vital roles for society—both internally (for the family itself) and externally (for society as a whole). Families provide for one another’s physical, emotional, and social well-being. Parents care for and socialize children, a function that prepares new members of society for their future roles. While interactionism helps us to understand the subjective experience of belonging to a “family” and critical sociology focuses on how families configure themselves in response to political-economic pressures and changes, functionalism illuminates the many purposes of families and their role in the maintenance of a balanced society (Parsons and Bales 1956)
The family ·is widely considered the "first" institution, the elementary cell of social life. It is here that mutuality is first experienced and civility is first taught. In other words, the family is the first educational institution. All other institutions build on the family’s educational achievements-or must remedy its failures-in evolving the personal foundation of relating to others (mutuality) and to community (civility).The family is always the most elementary mediating structure; its members are the "others" most likely to rally to one's defense against the state. moreover, the family; by setting patterns and providing services for its members, reduces the demands on the state-so long as it is functioning well itself.

Why family developed
Homo erectus learned to walk upright and had a brain much the same magnitude of the modern man. The successful had larger brains and increasing brain size necessitated the widening if the female pelvis to permit the birth of off springs with larger heads. The other consequence was that it required a longer period of growth after birth..Human children needed and need maternal care long after birth. Prolonged infancy and immaturity resulted in prolonged dependency. It was a longtime before the human child could gather food. All of this created the institution of the family.
The evolution of the family in human evolution is a fascinating occurrence. 
The human female underwent two drastic changes to make the institution of family possible: firstly she, amongst all other mammals, altered herself to be able to conceive at any point of time in a year, unlike other mammals (loss of oestrus) who have designated seasons where conception is possible; secondly with enlarging brains of the human infant the female underwent a broadening of her hips that allowed the babies to be born with larger brains. The broad hipped female was not a fast mover or runner which is why their occurred a division in duties, the fleet man hunted whereas the woman tended to babies. Loss of oestrus made possible prolonged care of infants because if the female underwent the violent disruption of their ordinary routines which oestrus imposes, their off springs would be periodically exposed to a neglect which would have made their survival impossible. The selection of a strain which avoided oestrus was therefore essential for the survival of the species.
The loss of oestrus meant increasing attractiveness of females to men and made individual choices much more significant in matting. Together with prolonged dependency of infants and new possibilities of individual selection resulted in a stable and enduring family unit of father, mother and off springs to develop, this is unique to human beings .
Development of Human Brain
The human species eventually developed a much larger brain than that of other primates—typically 1,330 cm3   in modern humans, nearly three times the size of a chimpanzee or gorilla brain. After a period of stasis with Australopithecus anamensis and Ardipithecus, species which had smaller brains as a result of their bipedal locomotion,the pattern of encephalization started with Homo habilis, whose 600 cm3 brain was slightly larger than that of chimpanzees. This evolution continued in Homo erectus with 800–1,100 cm3 and reached a maximum in Neanderthals with 1,200–1,900 cm3 larger even than modern Homo sapiens. This brain increase manifested during postnatal brain growth, far exceeding that of other apes (heterochrony). It also allowed for extended periods of social learning and language acquisition in juvenile humans, beginning as much as 2 million years ago. Furthermore, the changes in the structure of human brains may be even more significant than the increase in size. The temporal lobes, which contain centers for language processing, have increased disproportionately, as has the prefrontal cortex, which has been related to complex decision-making and moderating social behavior. Encephalization has been tied to increased meat and starches in the diet, and the development of cooking,[and it has been proposed that intelligence increased as a response to an increased necessity for solving social problems as human society became more complex. Changes in skull morphology, such as smaller mandibles and mandible muscle attachments, allowed more room for the brain to grow. The increase in volume of the neocortex also included a rapid increase in size of the cerebellum. Its function has traditionally been associated with balance and fine motor control, but more recently with speech and cognition. The great apes, including hominids, had a more pronounced cerebellum relative to the neocortex than other primates. It has been suggested that because of its function of sensory-motor control and learning complex muscular actions, the cerebellum may have underpinned human technological adaptations, including the preconditions of speech. The immediate survival advantage of encephalization is difficult to discern, as the major brain changes from Homo erectus to Homo heidelbergensis were not accompanied by major changes in technology. It has been suggested that the changes were mainly social and behavioral, including increased empathic abilities, increases in size of social groups, and increased behavioral plasticity.
When did family originate
The fossil record suggests that humans developed their own family system a long time ago, as early hominids, evidenced by the discovery of family groups of Australopithecines for example. One of the earliest defining human traits, bipedalism -- the ability to walk on two legs -- evolved over 4 million years ago. Other important human characteristics -- such as a large and complex brain, the ability to make and use tools, and the capacity for language -- developed more recently. Many advanced traits -- including complex symbolic expression, art, and elaborate cultural diversity -- emerged mainly during the past 100,000 years.
Marriage
The best available evidence suggests that the institution of marriage is about 4,350 years old. For thousands of years before that, most anthropologists believe, families consisted of loosely organized groups of as many as 30 people, with several male leaders, multiple women shared by them, and children. As hunter-gatherers settled down into agrarian civilizations, society had a need for more stable arrangements. The first recorded evidence of marriage ceremonies uniting one woman and one man dates from about 2350 B.C., in Mesopotamia. Over the next several hundred years, marriage evolved into a widespread institution embraced by the ancient Hebrews, Greeks, and Romans.   Marriages primary purpose was to bind women to men, and thus guarantee that a man’s children were truly his biological heirs. 
Marriage is a truly ancient institution that predates recorded history. But early marriage was seen as a strategic alliance between families, with the youngsters often having no say in the matter. In some cultures, parents even married one child to the spirit of a deceased child in order to strengthen familial bonds,
Development of society over time
The Hunter-Gatherer Family: Hunter-Gatherer families were the first form of societal families formed. Hunter-Gatherer families were established by informal marriages in which family members were dependant on one another for food and survival. Females and children collected herbs, nuts, fruits, vegetables, and any other necessities that could be found through means of gathering. Men were required to spend their time hunting and bring meat home to their families.
 The Agricultural Family Agricultural families:  began to form when hunter-gatherers found fertile land and many animals in one area. Food was grown on the farm, and animals were domesticated thus eliminating the need for hunting and gathering. Couples began to have more children in order to create a work force and successfully sustain the farmland. Arranged marriages and polygamy became popular due to the fact that the result was more children to work on the farm. Most children stayed at home after marriage in order to continue helping on the family farm, eventually, this lead to, a very large extended families living together.
The Pre-Industrial Family:  Many people moved from farms to villages and towns and setup home businesses. Economy was struggling during this time. Marriage became an economic necessity, due to the fact that it was near impossible for single women to get jobs in the workforce. Most couples now were monogamous and had fewer children because they were no longer needed for labor, housing was much smaller, and the economy was very poor. However, children were still a necessity because less than 50% reached adulthood.
The Urban Industrial Family: Many men started working outside the home now due to the production of factories in cities and towns. Wage based labor force was established. Men went out to work in the workforce, while women stayed at home to take care of the home and children. Women were financially dependent on their husband's salaries. Children were no longer required to work and had to attend school until the minimum age of 16 .When young people married, they moved away from their families because they were now able to sustain themselves. The family we are most familiar with today, began to take shape during this era 
The Contemporary Western Family: During the early 1960's women began to work outside the home alongside men. This lead to many new family types such as the dual income family, and the DINK family. The birth rate of children began to steadily decline to an average of 1.5 children per Canadian household and also elsewhere in the Western world and Japan. Women were granted more rights such as maternity leave which allows the mother to temporarily leave the workforce in order to raise her children.
The Family of the Future:  Family of the future will live in much larger cities than we do today and therefore in much closer proximity with each other. Major cities will be carefully constructed in order to successfully sustain extremely large populations. Due to great advancements in technology, most humans will work from home unless employed by the government or military. Families will no longer have the right of reproducing. Children will be created by the government through scientific processes such as cloning and artificial reproduction, thus allowing for the government to control the population. Average birth rate will decline because less humans will be needed for jobs, since they will be replaced by technology. Created children will be evenly dispersed to families in order to be raised. Dominant family form will be "NOBO" where children are not related by blood. Family’s goal will be to raise their child to be a progressive and effective member of society. Women and men will be 100% equal in the eyes of the society. Women and men will spend equal time away from and at work except when they are raising a child. In such a case, they will spend equal time at home. When a child is given to a family, both parents will receive time off work in order to help with child rearing 
How Have Families Changed over Time 

only in the mid- to late-18th Century in Western Europe and North America "did the notion of free choice and marriage for love triumph as a cultural ideal opening the way for it to become an optional and fragile [institution]" thus influencing the structure of the family at that time and into the future   Earlier in history, during the Stone and Middle Ages, marriage was not based on love and men and women had very little choice about whom they married. In the Stone Age men and women married in order to improve the economic situation of their respective clans, then in the Middle Ages and into the 18th Century marriage served the economic and political needs of a particular extended family group 
As marriage evolved in the mid- to late-18th Century into a union based on love, other economic, cultural, and political shifts in the U.S. and in other nations were happening that would further influence the structure of the family. In the 19th Century an ideal of the husband as breadwinner and the wife as homemaker became popular, but the majority of families could not achieve this ideal, as few jobs paid wages high enough to support a single-earner family. This changed as World War II ended and the U.S. experienced a time of dramatic economic growth. The economic prosperity of the time combined with the popular cultural ideal gave rise to family trends in the 1950s and early 1960s that had never been seen before. "Ozzie and Harriet" families that married young, remained married, and had many children were the major family form at this  . The realization of the Ozzie and Harriet ideal did not last long, however. In the late 1960s and 1970s divorce rates rose, births to unmarried women increased, and the average age of first marriage also rose. The reasons for these changes in the '60s and '70s were many: real wages for women rose while those for men fell, the economy weakened, wives joined the workforce due to the downturn in the economy, and women gained access to legal rights, education, birth control, and paid work   This historical examination of the evolution of the family and marriage shows that the family has constantly been under pressure to evolve and shift with changes in the economy, our values, and even politics. The evolution of marriage into an institution of love along with changes in the economy, our culture, and the political scene since the 1950s has meant that American men and women have been able to realize their ideals of the male breadwinner and marriage for the sake of love and personal freedom as time changes.
These influences and trends in marriage, divorce, and non-marital fertility did not escape rural America. Comparing urban and rural parts of the country between 1950 and 1970 reveals, however, that rural divorce rates were lower, fewer women age 20-24 were unmarried, and the number of children per 1,000 ever married women age 35-44 was slightly higher in rural America The changes in marriage, divorce, and fertility we observe during the 20th Century in all parts of the U.S. demonstrate that the structure of families are changing and becoming more diverse. While there are now many forms available to people, the family itself is not disappearing.
Why Do Families Matter?

Children who grow up with only one of their parents or come from troubled marriages  are more likely to drop out of high school, to become teenage and single mothers, and to have trouble finding and keeping a steady job in young adulthood, even after adjusting for differences in parents' socioeconomic background  about half of the disadvantages associated with single parenthood are due to lower incomes [of single parents]. Most of the rest are due to too little parental involvement and supervision and too much residential mobility. The psychological, health, and economic benefits of marriage for families are due to a number of factors like: the effect of selection (people who are already healthier, more psychologically stable, and better able to manage finances tend to marry more than those who are not).
Kids forced to endure loveless marriages and to tolerate emotional tension day after day bear the full brunt of their parents' dysfunctional relationship. They intuitively feel their parents’ unhappiness, and sense their coldness and lack of intimacy. In many cases, children blame themselves, feeling their parents' combative relationship is somehow their fault. In such cases, staying together “for the kids” is a cruel joke. The impacts on children, of troubled and failed marriages  are : Our parents’ relationship leaves an emotional imprint on us that never fades. A natural part of children’s development is internalizing both their parents. When parents are consistently at odds, their kids internalize those conflicts. Rather than feeling soothed or comforted when they are with both parents, they feel tense. Such ongoing tension can produce serious emotional, social, and physical ailments in children, such as depression, hopelessness, or chronic fatigue;the war between parents does take root inside children’s minds. The strain eats away at their security and leaves them with little internal peace, putting them at odds with their own impulses. For example, they long to be loved, but reject closeness; they yearn for friends, but choose isolation; they will have great intellectual or creative abilities, yet sabotage their own efforts. The external conflict between their parents eventually becomes an internal battle with themselves that complicates their life and hinders their emotional development. Children raised by battling parents have great difficulty getting close to others. Intimacy triggers the traumas they suffered when witnessing their parents’ dysfunction, so they avoid closeness to steer clear of getting hurt. If they manage to establish an intimate relationship, they remain cautious or guarded. When conflict arises, they’re most likely to flee or to reenact their parents’ conflicts with their own partner. Warring parents produce children who struggle with serious mood problems, such as dysthymia. These problems, if left untreated, may fuel personality disorders or substance abuse. At the root of these problems is a profound lack of hope. They learn at an early age to abandon optimism and expect the worst. Sadly, bad marriages cause kids to mature too quickly and lose out on their childhood.

Society evolution
Human societal existence commenced with the basic building block, the family, and from then on graduated to more complex structures .Human beings have progressed to what they are today, primarily, due this societal structure. This structure is not static and is still in the process of evolution .Religion, or at least one religion, suggests that this will eventually lead to the formation of a universal brotherhood, all humans will be included in the fold of a universal society. Technological change is one primary cause of this trend. Technology has managed to bridge the gap of distance. Internet , social networks, communications innovation have connected people as never before .One can follow the lives of loved or dear ones even as the life unfolds even though the person being connected to lives and resides many thousands of miles away .Either technology is the cause of this or collective human consciousness has sought such technology ..This evolution is also evident in main one God religions. The concept of God has evolved from many to One God, and from one who was partial to a particular ethic group to one who was partial to the followers of a particular prophet and finally to one who was oblivious to the cast or creed or color of the followers and good deeds, that strengthened society, were to be rewarded. No wonder that there is evidence that fairness is an evolving concept, although it should be said that fairness as such is perhaps not an evolving concept but the encompass of fairness is widening with time and larger and larger humans groups are being included into this reach of fairness and eventually all humans will be included in the reach of fairness.